Making a Name for Myself

There is nothing like an early morning fire alarm.

Last night was a rough one. We have an alarm system in our home that decided to freak out during the night. It kept sounding off every few minutes beginning at about 11 pm. By about 12:30 I had my head covered by a pillow and was whining to no-one, that I couldn’t bear it any longer. After about 4 calls to the alarm company my honey, who is more brain than mechanic, finally figured it out and ripped something painful out of the operating system.

It finally shut up!!

This morning, as I groggily dove into my “Prayer Chair”…an alarm of another kind began to sound. This time it was only heard in my own head and heart and the only “ripping” that was going to shut it up was my own “SELF”.

I have been journaling during my prayer time for over 25 years. My journals are generally random self talk, laying my days and challenges before the Lord and lot’s of prayers. They were never meant to be published or even read by another human being. Last month, I decided that I would begin with Genesis and JOURNAL my way through the entire Bible. This time, my hope is to Leave a Legacy for my children and grandchildren of what the Word of God means, to me and how I desire to apply it to my daily life. Little did I know what I might be jumping into. I imagined these journal entries to be all “spiritually mature” with angelic choirs sounding off in the background. After all, I have been a Christian…LEADER none-the-less…for close to half my life now. I am a wealth of wisdom and good examples to pass down to my grandchildren. Right??

Today, I read Genesis 10 and 11.

Genesis 10 is one of those books in the Bible I kind of scan over and consider it like “Non-Fat” cookies. Available but not really of any life changing application for the moment. No warm fuzzies. No cold chills.

Then, I hit Genesis 11. The Tower of Babel.

Key words: “Let US build” “Let US make a name for OURSELVES”. I kind of read it the first time with that dangerous mindset of “I have read this lots of times–nothing new here”.

Then, an alarm sounded.

I have been praying about a particular ministry activity I served in last year and whether or not God wants me to continue into next year. I have learned that some things are just for a season.

I PRIDE MYSELF 🙂 on obediance to God and Faith in God sized BHAG’s (Big Hairy Audacious Goals) !

I am good at those.

In a single instant, like when someone moves in our house when the alarm is set, I heard God speak in my heart.

There are desires of my heart that I know God placed inside of me. A desire to serve and minister to women. A desire to write. A desire to mentor and help other women step into the purposes and callings God has for them. A desire to see women embrace complete FREEDOM and the Full/Abundant life Jesus died to provide for THEM.

However, as I began to pray and to journal, I began to clearly see some recent times when I have stepped into the dangerous territory of using God as my platform instead of allowing God to use ME as HIS platform. I have, completely innocently, (OF COURSE 🙂 been more focused on “making a name for myself”, even if I sincerely felt that My name would help me get HIS name out into the world. I am sometimes guilty of stepping out with my own agenda and plans rather than taking more time to seek HIS.

Ouch.

Have you ever done that? Have you ever been more concerned about how you were perceived, received, believed..than how God was?

Have you ever been more concerned about building a ministry, or a business, or a program than simply BEING who God created you to be FOR HIS NAME SAKE??

Maybe my morning prayer will sound off in your heart as well:

Father forgive me. I realize as I read your Word that I have been guilty of building a few “towers” in my own name. Lord, thank you for your faithful alarm. I have heard you Lord and confess my self-serving ideas. Thank you that you are faithful to forgive me and that you will complete the work you have begun in me. Thank you that nothing can steal me out of your hand and that your grip on my life is firm and steady. Holy Spirit, continue to shine your created light into my created heart. Mold me Lord, into a woman who pleases and honors you in everything I do. Shape me into a “platform” for YOUR Glory, YOUR Name, and YOUR purposes alone to stand upon. Amen.

Hey, don’t forget my November giveaway. Every time you make a comment ALL MONTH your name goes into a Cookie Jar to win one of these!!