There are times in life when heartbreak hits so hard, so fast, so unexpected–your breath leaves your body and the sound of your own tears is all that is going on in the entire universe.
Sometimes the thing that breaks your heart is something everybody understands.
The death of a loved one. A gut sucking medical report. A tragedy of obvious proportions.
In those times, it is natural to find and receive the comfort and support of people who love you. It doesn’t take the pain away but there is comfort in a warm body to fall into, a shoulder to cry on, agreement with the emptiness of your soul.
Other times the thing that breaks your heart is so personal, so deep, so complicated that nobody in the entire universe can really connect with your pain. They want to explain it away. They want to help you accept it. They want to make you feel better. If you are really unlucky, they want to help you LEARN something.
I have just had one of those times. A broken heart that no one could soothe and most couldn’t understand.
I did what I have learned to do. I ran to Jesus. The ONLY one who is so close to me that He captures my tears and washes my face. The ONLY one who really understands how deep the pain is and why.
I escaped to a place that is dear to my heart and wrapped myself up in Him alone.
I was greeted by sunset and silence. A place thick with trees that are hundreds of years old and have stood deeply rooted as they have watched countless men and women pass in and out of a little tiny prayer chapel. I went to a place without comment, without advice and without judgement.
When I first arrived, I felt like this old tree looks.
Wound and Bound.
Is 57:20 says:
The wicked are like the tossing sea, which cannot rest, whose waves cast up mire and mud. There is no peace says my God, for the wicked.
That’s me. When I am tossing, I throw up dirt.
Tears make my heart soft.
When I left, 2 days later, I felt more like this tree.
Bowed down in the presence of a Holy God.
Use my hands to heal Lord.
Pray through my lips.
Bring peace and rest to me.
Tell me your secrets.
Put your heart in me.
Let my life make someones life matter.
I have come to be apart with you, to steal your heart Lord.
When you glance at me, be smitten by my love.
Empty me so that I can be refilled with you alone.
be excellent at what is good be innocent of evil
and the God of Peace will soon crush satan underneath your feet.
Thank you Lord, for Freedom.
Tell me, how do you manage a “crash and burn”?